


Requiem

by Happy_Pappy_Patton



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crossover, Deh - Freeform, Gay, High School AU, M/M, Sad, Song fic, Trees, Unsympathetic Remus, no happy ending, reference to abuse, tree - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:46:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23724793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happy_Pappy_Patton/pseuds/Happy_Pappy_Patton
Summary: Well, it had happened. The thing everyone had been waiting for. What everyone had been expecting. Betting on even.Remus had broken up with Virgil.It wasn't totally out of the blue. Everyone at school had seen it coming for weeks. After all, Remus was the most popular kid in school: loud, extravagant, and extroverted. Virgil, by comparison, was almost the exact opposite, a soft spoken, shy kid.What was unexpected was Virgil's reaction. Standing in front of a cafeteria full of his peers, standing in front of what he used to think was the love of his life, he didn't shed a tear. In fact, he was almost completely emotionless."Finally," he stated simply. "Finally, I am free of you."
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Platonic Analogical, platonic Prinxiety
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	Requiem

**Author's Note:**

> Quick disclaimer! This fic was written by my best friend Lauren, not me :)  
> She is unfortunately not allowed to have an ao3 account, but still wanted to get her work out, so I wanted to help. This is extremely angsty and has no happy ending, so read at your own risk.  
> Thank you, and show her some love and support in the comments ❤️❤️

Why should I play this game of pretend  
Remembering through our secondhand sorrow  
"Such a great son and wonderful friend"  
Oh, don't the tears just pour

Well, it had happened. The thing everyone had been waiting for. What everyone had been expecting. Betting on even.  
Remus had broken up with Virgil.  
It wasn't totally out of the blue. Everyone at school had seen it coming for weeks. After all, Remus was the most popular kid in school: loud, extravagant, and extroverted. Virgil, by comparison, was almost the exact opposite, a soft spoken, shy kid.  
What was unexpected was Virgil's reaction. Standing in front of a cafeteria full of his peers, standing in front of what he used to think was the love of his life, he didn't shed a tear. In fact, he was almost completely emotionless.  
"Finally," he stated simply. "Finally, I am free of you."  
He knew he should be sad. He knew he loved Remus, and that a large part of him still did. But a larger part of him knew that Remus had never truly loved him. Virgil had been a game to Remus, someone to play with when he got bored. He wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had the last laugh. So no. In front of all those people, staring Remus straight in the eyes, he was filled with nothing but determination. He would not grovel. He would not cry.  
Later that day, people ridiculed him for his words, for how could Virgil, a tiny blip on the social map, so mercilessly bash the only thing that had ever made him important at this school. He was taunted and tormented by all of Remus's "best friends" screaming at him about how amazing and perfect Remus and how he should be devastated by such a loss. He ignored them pointedly with his head held high. No, he wouldn't give them anything. They weren't worth the pain.

I could curl up and hide in my room  
There in my bed, still sobbing tomorrow  
I could give in to all of the gloom  
But tell me  
Tell me what for

When Virgil got home from school, he went straight to his room. Not to sulk or cry. Not to give into his dark emotions. He wasn't going to put up with any more of that. No, he went upstairs with a clear purpose. A task.  
Rummaging through his desk drawer, it took him longer than one would have thought to find what he was looking for. He stalked out of his room clutching a leather portfolio in a talon like grip. 

Why should I have a heavy heart?  
Why should I start to break in pieces?  
Why should I go and fall apart  
For you?

Though he was still walking briskly down the stairs to the backyard, he was functioning on autopilot. His mind was far away, lost in thought. He knew that everyone expected him to be a wreck now that the most popular kid had broken his heart. He was supposed to be a total emotional mess. But honestly, he didn't see the point. Remus was gone. He wasn't coming back into his life ever again. Virgil was back to being a nobody in school. No point in falling apart over something inevitable. He shouldn't be broken just because someone threw him out.

Why  
Should I play the grieving girl and  
Lie  
Saying that I miss you  
And that my world has gone dark without your light?

He wasn't going to play along with this pointless charade. Pretending to be the heartbroken little boy who wasn't good enough for the popular kid and can't function without him. What was the point in showing everyone how easily he could be taken advantage of in the hopes of sympathy or acceptance? Virgil wasn't sad to see Remus go. He wasn't some kid lost in the dark, desperately grasping for matches. Remus wasn't a lantern. On the contrary, he was the darkness trying to swallow Virgil whole.

I will sing no requiem tonight 

Virgil reached the backyard almost without realizing. It wasn't a particularly pleasant sight, but it was more attributed to time than the furnishings. The stone patio was worn and sharp at the edges, the iron chairs rusted long ago. Vines snaked around the singular oak tree in the center of the yard, ensnaring the rotting treehouse propped in the midst of its branches. The smell of sawdust filled his nostrils, mixed with the petrichor and the strange smell that only a humid, mossy forest could provide. The grass below his feet was far past overgrown and covered in more weeds, cigarette butts, and memories than he could possibly count.  
But he ignored the memories. He ignored the light filtering through the thick canopy of trees that usually never failed to mesmerize him. He ignored the timeless scene around him, for he was there for the one thing that was still in good shape: the fire pit. Sure, it wasn't pretty. The area around it was overgrown and rotting logs were scattered everywhere. But it still functioned how it was supposed to. Virgil grabbed some kindling and a few remaining dry logs and stacked them into a teepee formation.  
He didn’t realize his hands were shaking until the third match fell broken to the floor. 

I gave you the world, you threw it away  
Leaving these broken pieces behind you  
Everything wasted  
Nothing to say  
So I will sing no requiem

Finally, he got a small fire going. It was stupid, but the slow smoldering of the flames reminded Virgil of Remus. Although, he supposed everything did now. That was why he was doing this after all. Still, he couldn’t push the melody of “Ring of Fire” out of his mind. And with Johnny Cash came the school dance, and with that, Remus.  
He pulled out a single picture. Remus dancing around the gym, catching eyes, being admired, while Virgil sat and watched, mesmerized.  
The school dance. He remembered it like it was yesterday. Remus had made him come, said it would be fun. Virgil had begrudgingly agreed; anything to please his boyfriend.  
The dance itself was boring and uncomfortable. The school was very conservative, and nobody was allowed within a foot of each other. Virgil refused to dance, instead watching the awkward movements of his peers from the side of the gym until Remus came back over, obviously drunk and a mischievous smile plastered on his face. “Do you want to get out of here?” he had whispered rather loudly in his ear. “Somewhere more... private?”  
Virgil had given him everything that night. And what had he gotten in return? A broken heart, a portfolio of pictures, and an updated Facebook status. He’d given Remus his heart, and Remus had crushed it right in Virgil’s face.  
Virgil stared at the picture for longer than he would’ve liked to admit, and for a moment he hated himself for wanting to go back to that night. For wanting it all back.  
Then, he shook off his childish fantasies. He couldn’t have the caring, beautiful Remus that used to be his back. In a way, he’d never even existed except in Virgil’s wishful mind.  
With one last glance at the photo, he dropped it into the burning flames.

Why should I have a heavy heart?  
Why should I say I'll keep you with me?  
Why should I go and fall apart  
For you?

An amusement park, Virgil proudly holding a large stuffed snake, now framed in ash. A mall, Remus buying ice cream for the both of them, the vendor’s cart now completely charred off. One by one, every moment, every memory flew up in smoke.  
Virgil knew he should feel something, be it regret or anger or sadness or relief, but whether he had feelings toward the matter, he refused to show or even let himself feel them. It wasn’t worth it. 

Because when the villains fall  
The kingdoms never weep  
No one lights a candle to remember  
No  
No one mourns at all  
When they lay them down to sleep 

He wasn’t about to cry for the lost sheepskin of the wolf. He wasn’t going to mourn the loss of an illusion he’d mistaken for reality. The facade was over; Virgil now knew exactly what he was dealing with. And he wanted nothing to do with it.  
In a way, he’d always known something was wrong with their relationship. It started blissful and beautiful; stolen kisses, covert glances, the shadow of a smile on their lips. But as the days passed, he found himself less willing to leave the object of his affection, less willing to let him go. And the more Virgil clung, the more he would tease. He would never admit it, but it hurt to hear Remus mock him. The more he laughed, the more it stung, the more Virgil wanted him. He yearned for his approval, for Remus to love him as much as he loved Remus. After all, Virgil figured, he was right. The unpopular kid was not only emo and socially inept, but needy and pathetic. He was addicted to the love of this god. He needed him. Remus must have known that. Yet he continued with his scorn, continued putting Virgil down. And Virgil continued to want him, need him. He wasn’t good enough anymore. Not for Remus or anyone else.  
Not even for himself.  
Yes, he'd lost his crutch, but the crutch had never worked in the first place. And the thing is, you can't miss something that never existed in the first place.

So don't tell me that I didn't have it right

Virgil stared at a small, sticky note sized photo of them at a skating rink. They were smiling at the random person who had offered to take a photo of the “most adorable couple he’d ever seen. He couldn’t quite recall the name of the man, only that he was nice and had one of those smiles that made you feel good about yourself, kind of like a proud father. After he had left, Remus had turned to Virgil and whispered, “What a freak.”  
It was moments like that that no one saw of Remus. No one could see the darker side of him. No one saw the side that laughed at 3 legged dogs for their strange gait, who jeered at every misstep in the crowded halls of Mind Palace High. No one saw how he treated his poor younger brother, Roman, who knew to hide every time Remus came home. Who was either invisible to or hated by everyone in the school. No, if Virgil tried to explain his many grudges against the king of the school, people would call him delusional or tell him that he was taking things out of context. Remus had the entire school under his spell.  
The picture flew slowly into the embers’ warm embrace. 

Don't tell me that it wasn't black and white 

The worst part was that, in the darkest of times, he couldn't even confide in his only friend, Logan. Oh he had tried. He told the overly-logical man everything. But, as it seemed, not even the most straightforward, analytical of students couldn't free themselves from the belief in Remus's ‘Prince Charming’ facade.  
“Virgil, look,” he had said, closing his textbook to glare at the emo. “Before 2 months ago, I had to listen to your needless pining over Remus and how ‘oh my, isn’t Remus perfect?’ and ‘oh, look at Remus’s perfect biceps’ and ‘oh my god, Remus Duke just looked at me, his eyes are so beautiful!’ Now you’re trying to convince me that every piece of information I have about this man that leads me to believe that he’s a relatively good person, including information obtained from you, is factually incorrect? I’m sorry, but I have no evidence to suggest that anything you’re claiming is the objective truth. Have you considered that maybe you’ve put Remus on a figurative ‘pedestal’ and he just hasn’t fully lived up to your ludicrous expectations? Perhaps you’re figuratively ‘falling prey’ to the cognitive distortion known as magnifying. You’re just now realizing that he’s not as perfect as you’ve made him out to be, and thus you’re blowing his imperfections out of proportion. You just need to… ‘chill.’ Accept that nobody is flawless and move on.”  
It was almost impossible to convince Logan that he was wrong. 

After all you put me through  
Don’t say it wasn’t true

Maybe that’s why he started talking with Roman. Under any other circumstances, Virgil would never have even spared a second glance toward someone like Roman; he was timid and shy around his brother and eccentric to the point of histrionic when alone or with people he felt comfortable with. But Roman was the only one who understood his plight, having been put under the same cruelty if not much more. And so they got to talking, and they slowly realized how much they seemed to legitimately enjoy each other’s company. Roman had a lot of Remus’s best qualities; the same charisma, the same stunning good looks, the same creative, ambitious spirit. It was strange how different they seemed from afar. He knew why, of course; Roman hid from it, scared that his faults would overshadow his beauty, whereas Remus embraced it, pushing down his shortcomings until nobody could see them. It worked; Remus was the dominant force. Roman was bullied for the same things praised in Remus. It wasn’t fair.  
None of the pictures he had included Roman. Virgil only had one picture of the younger man, and it was kept securely in his phone, hidden away in a drawing app in a discreet corner of his phone. Remus didn’t know about that picture, and for good reason. When Remus had learned the two of them were spending time together, he had immediately ushered Virge out of the house. Roman wasn’t in school the next few days, and had avoided the emo ever since. Meanwhile, Remus had been more and more reluctant to let Virgil come over, and all the other pictures, along with Roman’s phone number, had mysteriously disappeared from his phone. One of his only true friends, gone from his life in one day. 

That you were not the monster  
That I knew 

One picture in particular caught his eye. Virgil was standing in a field surrounded by corn, Remus standing behind him with a hand on his shoulder. To be perfectly honest, he thought he had thrown this picture away long ago; it was too painful to think of. Maybe some small part of his subconscious had known exactly what it meant even back then, and though the rest of his brain had succeeded in burying the memory, that one part had clung onto this picture, reminding him of why it never could have lasted.  
The corn field was the first red flag that he had ignored. Remus had forced him to come to the Halloween tradition despite Virgil’s fear of crowds and of getting lost. He’d considered bringing Logan too, but the logical man had seemed less and less excited about being around him, and Virgil had become more and more worried about all the habits of Logan’s that had always been commonplace in their friendship but that Remus had pointed out as being more than a little suspicious.  
So there he was in the cornfield, utterly lost and alone. His boyfriend had gone ahead, complaining that Virgil was going too slow for him, and soon he was completely out of sight. It was all so overwhelming; there was no one coming that way. He must’ve been very far off the path. He could stay there forever and no one would notice. He could’ve died there and they wouldn’t’ve found him until harvest season. Thinking back on it, if Virgil could have just stayed calm and used his brain, he might’ve gotten out a lot sooner and none of that horrible mess would’ve happened. But no. Virgil’s anxiety kicked in. Flashbacks of abandonment. Memories of long forgotten nightmares of isolation flooded to the surface. The world spun and tilted and did flips through his vision. He sank to the dirt, the tears creating clumps of soil and mascara all around him and adding to his vertigo. The tempest of thoughts absorbed him until he no longer knew where he was. He was falling down a never ending spiral of fear.  
Remus didn’t come for him. Logan didn’t come for him. It was Roman who eventually found him hours later curled up into a ball on the tight clay soil. Roman who comforted him and calmed him down. Roman who hugged him and kept him warm and drove him to the house. But it was Remus who was waiting for them.  
He was staring at the living room television with glossy eyes, looking bored with the mindless sitcom. He didn’t look worried or even bothered until Roman cleared his throat.  
His head whipped toward the two, and his dazed expression quickly melted into one of anger. “Where. The hell. Have you been?” he asked with enough venom to paralyse an elephant. Roman flinched as his older brother rose slowly to his feet. Even Virgil took a timid step back. Neither of them spoke.  
Remus focused his glare on Roman. “What the hell are you doing with my boyfriend?” he growled, and Roman was paralysed with fear. “You think you can take him away from me, huh? You think you can turn him against me?” He stepped forward, cornering his frightened brother like a wounded animal against the wall. “He’s mine, you bastard,” he hissed.  
Roman shrunk back as if Remus had spit acid on him, whimpering, “I didn’t- I- I wouldn’t-“  
“Oh shut up you pathetic dick, I know you’re lying. Since the day I brought him home, you’ve been practically drooling over him. You are such. A pathetic. Little. Bitch.” He emphasised those last few words with 4 punches to the wall. The younger boy slid to the floor, crying silently; Virgil could tell by his resigned expression that this wasn’t the first time this had happened.  
“Stop!” the emo cried. “He wasn’t doing anything! I got lost in the maze and he helped me out; nothing else, I swear! Let him go!”  
Fortunately, that drew Remus’s attention away from Roman long enough for him to get away and up the stairs. Unfortunately, it also redirected his rage completely toward Virgil himself.  
“Oh, don’t even get me started on you, you idiot. Who the fuck gets lost in a corn maze? It’s literally impossible. The corn isn’t even that high! Just face it: you’re nothing without me. You’re just a needy little boy who can’t help himself. You stupid fuck.”  
Virgil couldn’t remember what happened after that. He did remember waking up in Remus’s bed the next morning. Roman was nowhere to be seen. 

‘Cause I cannot play the grieving girl  
And lie  
Saying that I miss you  
And that my world has gone dark

Why? Why hadn’t he seen the monster he was dating? Why didn’t he break it off before all of the damage had been done? How had he been so naive?  
Six months later and what did he have? No Remus, no Logan, no Roman. Just a big black hole in his heart. 

I will sing no requiem

The picture fell into the flames. 

I will sing no requiem

A single tear fell to the stone tile. 

I will sing no requiem 

Virgil straightened. He was done thinking about Remus. He was done dwelling on everything he’d lost. And he was willing to do anything he needed to to make sure nothing like this ever happened again. 

Tonight


End file.
